Suddenly our oldest daughter needed us
And we had to split up
I stayed with Audrey
To face the long night alone
And Paul went to Daisy
Who was fighting her own little battle
Of newness and uncertainty

Our family of four is no more than 30 hours old
And already I’m torn
Torn on the outside from my big new girl
And torn on the inside because I can’t split myself in two
I can’t be the whole mummy to both
Or in two places at once.

How will I find my way through
This new maze of pain?
The long nights ahead?
Days stretch in front, each one 24 long hours
I suspect I’ll have to journey to a place with no difference between
Sunlight and darkness to do it

But I know a part of me
Will always be torn
Never to heal
As I try to make myself two
When I am only one.

About letterstodaisy

I am 36 Year old woman. I'm married to Paul. I am a part-time Nursery Officer and have previously held posts such as Breastfeeding Coordinator, Deputy Nursery Manager and Asylum Caseworker. As well as working, I volunteer as a parenting mentor in Morecambe and Lancaster. I’m a mother of two, my daughters Daisy Elizabeth and Audrey Evelyn. I hold an MA from York and am a qualified EYP. I love children and cherish their learning and their rights. We live on the border between south Lakes and north Lancashire. I write poetry and this blog and can’t read “Peepo” without crying.

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